Let’s look at learning how to stop beating yourself up because oftentimes, we allow a mistake or wrong decision to impact negatively on our lives long after the incidence has occurred. By doing so, we end up being unable to enjoy the present and take advantage of new opportunities and experiences.
Dwelling over a mistake for extended periods of time can be very detrimental to you and your overall health. After all, our time here is limited, and each passing moment cannot be replayed or started over. It is difficult to enjoy the newness offered each day when your mind is constantly troubled by regret and negative self-feedback.
So let’s look at why it is perfectly okay to stop beating yourself up over a mistake and how habitually doing so can affect your own well-being, as well as the people in your life.
How To Stop Beating Yourself Up
News Flash: You Are Human
In case you haven’t noticed, human beings are literally programmed to make mistakes all the time.
We are not given an instruction manual at birth detailing the correct way to handle the vast array of decisions and events we experience throughout our lifetimes. Therefore, it makes no sense to go through life with the intent of being absolutely perfect.
Of course, you should strive to make the right decisions and handle situations to the best of your ability, but only with the knowledge that you will not always do so.
Any mistake you end up making should not come as a total surprise but should instead serve as a reminder that you are a fallible human being, just like the billions of other people around you.
Being human is a beautiful thing. We are capable of so many emotions, creations, and discoveries. However, we are far from perfect and mistakes are sure to happen. Always keep that in mind.
A great way to avoid beating yourself up over a shortcoming or wrong decision is to not always regard the situation in a negative manner. Instead, try to realize that mistakes are a mandatory part of the learning process.
Consider this, every single thing you have ever learned how to do with any level of expertise has been achieved through trial and error. This process in no way ends just because you have become an adult. For as long as you live, you will continue to encounter new situations.
That being said, it is silly to think that, as an adult, you will somehow be able to respond to new situations the right way from the start. In fact, if you ever reach a point in your life where you fail to make a mistake here and there, this is probably a bad sign. If nothing you do poses a challenge, this means you are at a place of stagnation.
It is important to consider each and every mistake as a lesson that allows you to adjust, modify your actions, and do better the next time around.
Change Your Perspective
Almost all of us do our best to forgive other people after they have messed up. This is especially true pertaining to the people closest to us. Sure, we may be upset and even angry for a while, but we usually don’t hold the issue over the offender’s head for long periods of time.
Ironically, we struggle more to forgive ourselves than to do the same for others. Considering this paradox, try to change your vantage point the next time you are avoiding granting yourself forgiveness. After all, nobody is closer to you than you.
Sometimes it’s because we need the forgiveness of someone else. Some relationships are deeply intertwined with the understanding of our self. It can be friends, partners, family, colleagues, or even society. If you think that someone you are dependent upon cannot accept you, you will have a hard time accepting yourself.
Voice Your Mistake Out Loud
When you give a voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, you may free yourself from some of the burdens. You also imprint in your mind what you learned from your actions and consequences.
Saying your mistake out loud also helps you to acknowledge what you have done and find ways to move on.
Write It Down
Writing things down can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. Pickell says one thing you can do is write out a “conversation” between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.
At the same time, you can boost your own self-confidence by making a list of the qualities you like about yourself and also what skills and strengths you may possess.
Seek Outside Help
If you’re really struggling to forgive yourself, you may benefit from talking to a professional. How to stop beating yourself up is not always an easy process to work through. Taking to a counselor or professional can help you learn how to break up these unhealthy patterns in your life and replace them with new and healthier ways to deal with your mistakes.
Knowing that forgiveness is a mandatory part of maintaining external relationships, you must also realize that this requirement holds true for nurturing your own mental environment.
So stop beating yourself up!