Because this website is also about mindset, it is important to keep your mental state healthy. One of the ways of doing this is to learn how to forgive and forget and not hold grudges.
Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness can be triggered when someone hurts you by saying or doing something offensive. I know that it’s challenging to let it go, to forgive, and not let the feelings of resentment linger, weighing you down and making your heart feel heavy.
A study published by Springer Link confirms that “Bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.”
Holding grudges and resentment is linked to a higher risk of heart attack, disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, headaches, and chronic pain. In addition, the anger from resentment can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
It’s in your best interest to move past the hurt caused by others to protect your health and well-being. There are strategies to free yourself from resentment and learn how to forgive and forget.
Why Is It So Hard To Forgive And Forget?
A 2021 analysis by researchers explored why we hold resentment and found that our self-esteem is a large factor.
Humans need validation, meaning we want others to agree with our actions or beliefs. Otherwise, we feel morally inferior, becoming defensive and increasing the difficulty of accepting and forgiving others.
In some cases, people simply cannot let go and forgive. People who haven’t achieved forgiveness may have a longer latency period, meaning it takes them more time to think about the incident and arrive at any response. The hurt exists but has not been revealed yet – the bad feelings can become overpowering.
Strategies For Moving Forward
The following are strategies that can help you recover from being hurt.
Meditation
Mindfulness Meditation helps you explore and understand your pain while reducing stress. It calms negative thoughts and restores a positive focus. The keys to mindfulness meditation are to be aware of your breathing and living in the moment. Mindfulness can give you peace of mind and improve your self-acceptance. You can learn to practice mindfulness meditation online, or your community may offer meditation classes.
Practice Forgiveness
Be aware of the emotions that you are feeling and recognize how those feelings are impacting your physical and mental health and your behavior. Accept the feelings and the situation that occurred. You are in control, not the person that caused the event. You have the power to forgive and move on with your life.
Self-Distancing
Research by psychologists Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk found that self-distancing is significantly beneficial in overcoming the negative feelings caused by grudges and resentment.
Self-distancing entails thinking about the situation from a third-person perspective rather than an active participant perspective.
Envision that you’re watching actors in a movie replay the situation that occurred. This technique helps you to see the “big picture’, increasing your ability to cope with the past and have a broader perspective on the event.
Be Compassionate
The person who caused you to be distressed may be having issues that affect their behavior, such as the death of a loved one, a bad relationship, or low self-esteem. Think about your past interactions with the person. Are they typically pleasant and non-confrontational? Is their behavior different than in the past? Being empathetic and kind can help you to achieve forgiveness.
Conclusion
It is human nature to be angry, sad, or upset when someone’s words or actions hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment is harmful to your health and well-being.
While it can be difficult to learn how to forgive and forget and simply move on, it’s in your best interest to do so. The preceding techniques can help you to cope, forgive, and unburden your heart.
References
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-009-0054-0
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4384185/
https://abbymedcalf.com/the-key-to-letting-go-of-resentment/
https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438226/
